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[23 Jan 2005|12:08am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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I have not updated this in the longest time. My life has become a shadow of what it used to be. I spent 12 years in Azkaban for a crime I did not commit! That no good bloody bastard Pettigrew will pay when I find him. I will kill him. Unfortunately I've had to go into hiding again and can't get to know my godson Harry. He looks so much like his father, except he has Lily's eyes. I never imagined, when I last updated, that my life would turn out like this. Lily and James dead, Peter betraying them and framing me, Remus turning his back on me. He knows I'm innocent now but so much has happened that I don't think we'll ever have back what we used to have. I'm so alone right now.
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| And baby makes three... |
[20 Feb 2003|10:06pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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It's been an awfully long time since I've updated this thing. Isn't it odd that everybody suddenly decided to start updating their journals again? I "logged" into this "site" and viewed my "friends page" and discovered that Daisie and Narcissa are both expecting a child! And Lily and James are trying as well. Now, to jump on the baby bandwagon, I, Sirius Black, would like to announce that I am expecting Remus Lupin's baby.
Ok, not really. I was just trying to fit in with everyone else. Now if I can be serious for a moment, I'd like to announce to the world how happy I've been with Remus. Our relationship is perfect. I couldn't ask for a better man. It is so wonderful to wake up every morning to the person you love more than life itself. The only thing I'd have to complain about is my inability to be able to get a job. Remus has one; Lily and James have one. I'm sure even Peter has one. Isn't it ironic? I was the first one to get a summer job and now I'm the only one without one? Well, there's always the Leaky Cauldron again.
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| Oatmeal (the cat) |
[22 Oct 2002|03:06pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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Bloody hell. That damn cat. It won't ever let me be. Whenever I'm in a room with Lily and Remus, the cat, which belongs to Lily, always chooses to pounce right into my lap. It likes to rub it's head against my arm in an attempt to get me to pet it. I have even woke up to find the cat besides my bed. How it gets from Lily's dormatory to mine is beyond me. Why does it like me so much? I'm more of a dog person, thank you very much. Not that I really have anything against the cat. It is kind of cute, I suppose.
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| Heh.... |
[14 Oct 2002|01:10pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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Remus seems to have a little crush on some actor named Ewan McGregor. Who is he? Call me stupid, dumb, etc., etc., etc, I'm just curius to know who he is. I think it's kind of cute. ;)
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| Lily and Remus did this, so why not? |
[12 Oct 2002|02:21am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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Your Full Name: Sirius Paul Black
Height: 5'8''
Weight: 160lbs.
Build: muscular
Where were you born? London
Have you lived here your whole life? Yes indeed
What is your Magical Rank? Pure blood.
Who're your parents? Richard and Grace Black
Do you live with them? Not anymore.
What do they do for a living? Mum is a housewife, and dad is a chaevnist pig.
Do you like your folks? My mother, yes, but my father is a different story.
If no, why? My father always tried to get me to act like a "manly man" and accused me of being a sissy when I didn't. He doesn't approve of my relationship with Remus, or really with any man for that matter.
-Relationships-
Who's your best friend? James, Lily, and Remus of course
Who's your enemy? Lucius, Severus, Narcissa, and most other Slytherins.
What's your orientation? Bisexual.
You gotta crush on someone? You betcha!
If so, who? Remus, who else?
You gotta boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes, I do.
Have you ever been in love? Yes.
Number of boys you've kissed: Two.
Number of girls you've kissed: One.
Who's the last person you kissed? Remus, of course!.
Are you a virgin? No. ;)
Are you saving yourself for Marriage? Nope.
If not, who'd ya lose it to? Remus!
How many people have you had sex with? Two.
How many boyfriend/girlfriends have you had? One.
Who are they? Remus Lupin.
-Preferences-
Who's your fav. band? Fleetwood Mac
Who's your fav. singer? Stevie Nicks
What's you're fav. song? "The Chain"--Fleetwood Mac
Fav. movie? can't think of any
Hottest celebrity? John Travolta. He was the reason I started watching that new muggle show "Welcome Back, Kotter"
Fav. food? Italian
Fav. place in the world? In Remus's arms.
Fav. person in the world? Remus Lupin.
-Do you?-
Have sex? Yes.
Do Drugs? No.
Drink? No.
Party Hard? Not anymore. *sighs*
Play Quidditch? I do now!
Eat a lot? Yes, I'm a pig. Oink oink.
Hate a lot of people? Not really.
Like to talk? Yes.
-Are you?-
Against Muggles? No.
A Death Eater? Of course not.
A flirt? I used to be.
In love? Oh yes..
Against love? Never.
Afraid of death? A little bit.
-Would you?-
Sleep with someone you don't know? No.
Sleep with someone to save your life? No.
Go to the Dark Side? No.
Kill someone? No.
Steal? No.
Lie? Maybe.
Cheat? No.
Sleep with the enemy? No.
Sleep with a Slytherin? No.
Sleep with a Gryffindor? I already do.
Sleep with a Hufflepuff? If I was in love with one.
Sleep with a Ravenclaw? See the above answer.
Have you ever thought of killing yourself? Yes.
Have you ever killed someone? No.
Have you ever cast a forbidden spell? No.
Would you kill someone to save someone you love? To save Remus or my friends, yes.
And finally:
What is your biggest fear? Dying alone.
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[29 Sep 1980|10:10pm] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
] |
Oh my word, it's been ages since I've updated. Well, quite obviously, I'm back in school. How fun. At least this is the last year. And I'm on the Quiddich team this year! Can you believe that? I just wish Remus was here to celebrate with me. He's been dreadfully sick and hasn't returned to school since it started back up. I miss him terribly and have been owling him every day. He's probably getting annoyed. ^_^
This fat, whiny Slytherin girl Lisa Goyle has suddenly decided to make me the object of her affection. In DADA classes with the Slytherins (you can imagine how fun that is) I catch her staring at me all the time and sometimes winking and licking her lips. It really makes me nauseous, though Lily and James always snicker when I complain about her. But life at Hogwarts isn't that bad, really. I just hope Remus comes back soon because I know I will go mad without him.
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| The Visit |
[28 Aug 1980|01:01am] |
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mood |
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sad |
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And so my parents came and then they went and how did it go, you ask? It went as well as to be expected, which needless to say, was horrible. Mum was pleasant enough and I believe she has accepted me for who I am. Dad was another story. He verbally attacked me and Remus, and when he called Remus a "sissy boy", I let him have it. I punched him and he actually punched me back. Mum and Remus tried to get us under control, but I lost my temper again and told Dad I hated him. I then ran from the dining area in The Leaky Cauldron up to the room I was sharing with Remus. After we had both calmed down a bit, we went back downstairs as my parents were leaving. My dad surprised me by apologizing, but still can't accept the fact that I'm gay and that my mate is a werewolf. Knowing my father, he may never be able to accept me. Remus still hasn't told his parents about me, or about him even being gay, as a matter of fact. I told him I would go with him to when he reveals this fact, but I'm sure the situation won't be better than this one was.
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| Long time, no post |
[26 Aug 1980|01:42pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
It's amazing how much has happened since the beginning of summer up until now. If I could, I would go back and change alot of these things. Especially with what happened with James. I haven't spoken to him in awhile. I'm worried about him. I'm worried about Lily too, even though she hates the three of us now. I'm worried about Remus, as well. Just call me Mr. Worrywart.
I'm still amazed at how I've managed to pretty much avoid my parents all summer with working and convincing them that I would like to stay at The Leaky Cauldron since I work there. Not for much longer, however. School starts again soon, so I'll have to quit my job.
I got an owl today from my mother. She says she misses me to death and she and my father are coming to visit. Joy. It's not that I don't love my parents because I do. It's just...facing my father after revealing that I was gay. I know he's very disappointed in me. How will he react when he finally meets Remus?
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| I'm sorry Remus! |
[16 Aug 1980|12:47am] |
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mood |
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 guilty |
] |
Happy belated birthday, love! With all that's been going on, I completely forgot. Please forgive me and tell me what you'd like for your birthday.
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[09 Aug 1980|01:15pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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I hope you can forgive me Prongs. I'm really really sorry. I feel terrible now.
Lily must never find out.
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| A Troubling Friend |
[05 Aug 1980|01:21am] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
Have you ever met someone who you thought was totally bonkers but you just admired them for it? That's what I thought when I first met Sharon when I started working at The Leaky Cauldron. Whereever she she went, whomever she talked to, people were strangely attracted to her, despite or because of her craziness. We got to know each other better and became close friends. She did the same as Lily. I soon began to realize that her moods were pretty unstable and some of the things she did were pretty outrageous. Like last night for instance. I went over to her house this morning to return a Beach Boys (yes, Beach Boys) album I borrowed. Lily had stayed the night with her and was the one who had opened the door and told me about what Sharon had done. She, for some strange reason, decided to take a week's worth of sleeping meds just because she was feeling "edgy" lately. After Lily asked me to stay for awhile while with Sharon while she went to get something, Sharon awoke for a bit and was telling me that she had done this before and it was no big deal. That she used to do it all the time in the hopital, as a game. At times I thought she had fallen unconscious, but she was just sleeping. Lily said her trip with Sharon will be postponed. Lily is stunned because Sharon seemed just fine last night.
I just don't understand why someone would do this to his or herself. I know James was really hurting when he...when he had tried to kill himself...but Sharon swears up and down she's not suicidal. But she's certainly reckless with her life and I don't know what to do to try to get her to care more about herself.
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[30 Jul 1980|12:16am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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Oh, good gods. Sharon and Lily went out to some muggle "club" tonight and got drunk. I can't believe Sharon would permit Lily to drink, her being underage and everything that she's gone through. James really does not like this girl at all. I have defended her countless times to James but this is enough. You've really got to calm down, Sharon, or else I don't think Lily should be hanging out with you as much.
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[24 Jul 1980|10:13pm] |
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mood |
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 infuriated |
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Severus Snape is a coward. Daisie was raped by Malfoy! Snape was right there and did nothing to stop it! I'm so furious right now. I want to kill Malfoy and Creed.
Lily is still missing. Sharon, James and I went out tonight after work to look for her, but couldn't find her. We won't give up though.
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| I'm back. |
[22 Jul 1980|01:20am] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
] |
We had to cut our trip to Ireland short because of an emergency at Dad's work. I wasn't having fun anyway, lying around being depressed. So I come back and the first person I contact is James. What does he tell me? That that no good, son of a bitch, lying, dirty bastard Creed raped Lily! It's bad enough he had sex with Remus, but this is too much. I will kill Creed for this.
James says Lily is not well at all. Unfortuately, that is to be expected. She was beaten and brutally raped by that monster. Lily, sweetie, if there's anything I can do to help you get through this, just name it. Just please please please don't shut your friends out and don't try to hurt yourself.
I've also been doing alot of thinking about my relationship with Remus. I feel, in my heart, that I have forgiven him. I realize how evil Creed is now, and that Remus was just a pawn in some kind of sick game of his. I realize that Remus only did what he did because he thought he would have the ability to transform painlessly. I don't ever want to see Remus in pain so I can....not judge him so harshly anymore about what he did. Remus, I love you. I forgive you.
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| Going to Ireland |
[19 Jul 1980|01:52pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
My parents are taking me to Ireland for a short visit. It'll give me time away from Remus to...think about things. I'll be leaving tonight.
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[17 Jul 1980|01:59pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
Remus and I are back together again, but things will never be the same. The other night we made love, but afterwards, I was left feeling extremely guilty. Why? I'm not really sure. Perhaps I feel like I've betrayed myself for going back to Remus so soon. I do want to forgive him and trust him again though. Sometimes when I look at him, however, I see Creed's nasty grin. In my head I hear Creed taunting me about how he had Remus. Sometimes it drives me so mad I just want to bang my head against the wall until I drive the voice and Creed's face out of my mind. I haven't really been hanging around my friends lately. I've just been feeling like I need to be by myself. But when I'm by myself, I nearly drive myself mad with feelings of hurt and betrayal. Merlin, what am I supposed to do?
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[10 Jul 1980|08:25pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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Oh Merlin. Everything in my life is so bloody screwed up now. I'm seriously thinking about quitting my job at The Leaky Cauldron. I just cannot stand being there anymore. Too many memories of Remus. I absolutely dread going back to Hogwarts in September. You all know who I'll be sharing a room with. Perhaps I'll sleep out in the common room every night.
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[09 Jul 1980|08:27pm] |
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mood |
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infuriated |
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Remus cheated on me. I'm going to kill Tyler Creed. Lying fucking bastard.
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[07 Jul 1980|11:18pm] |
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mood |
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shocked |
] |
I ran into Tyler Creed again today. While I was working at The Leaky Cauldron, that is. He waved me over so he could have a few words with me nad I confronted him about being interested in Remus. What he had to say shocked me. He flat out told me he wasn't interested romantically in Remus, but in me. I, of course, told him that I only had eyes for Remus.
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[05 Jul 1980|12:31am] |
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mood |
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jealous |
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*Sigh* I haven't been spending alot of time with Remus lately. He's been busy working on how to transform without pain with Tyler Creed. That Creed character has also been hitting on Remus. *growls* He's a very attractive man as well. Why shouldn't I be jealous?
By the way, hope you had a great birthday, James. Enjoy your special gift from Lily ;)
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